Adam and Holden

Holden Worthington’s globetrotting days are over. Once the host of a popular adventure show, he hasn’t ventured past his own front door in more than a year. Then the arrival of a sexy new gardener sparks something Holden hasn’t felt in a very long time—an interest in the world outside his window.

Holden tries to resist the attraction. But painfully shy yet definitely interested Adam Morgan has Holden longing to conquer his debilitating anxiety and live again. After a grisly discovery on the grounds of the estate, the town of Smithfield turns a suspicious eye on the reclusive Holden—and the two men must trust in each other to bring the truth out in the open.

Previously published as In and Out.

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He pulled onto the bumbling private drive. Closed at Dusk, the sign warned. But Adam had grown up here, as had I, and he took that sliver of roadway to the very end of the point without hesitation. Headlights gleamed on still-dormant trees. The branches glittered as if adorned with a million sparkling diamonds. Fur- ther out, our lights disappeared into the ghostly fog over the inky expanse of Bantam Lake.

We came to a stop and Adam shut the car off, the radio too. “You good?”

“I’m hanging in there. I’m not leaving the car though.”

“Me either. It’s pretty damn dark.” He laughed.

With the radio off, the night filled with the noise of woodland frogs. Even with the windows closed, we could hear their peeping. Adam didn’t seem to know where to put his hands. They went from the steering wheel to his thighs. Then he crossed his arms. He un- crossed his arms. I watched, wondering if it was good form to grab a virgin by the neck and have my way with him.

The inside of the car turned warm and nearly oppressive with our silence. How should I do this? The seconds ticked by, each one longer and hotter. When had I become so out of practice? I wanted him. I knew he wanted me. He looked point-blank at me, not saying a goddamn word, and he fucking willed me to do something.

“…manages to skilfully combine humour, pathos and reflection as well as providing a sympathetic hero with a mental illness.” —Jenre, Gay Book Reviews

We stared at each other. Older, wiser, more experiencedóthis thing was on me. His gaze flickered to my mouth, back to my eyes, to my mouth again, and desire moved me forward. “Are you nervous?”

Another laugh, this one puffed on a tiny breath, and he nodded. “Maybe a little.”

“Good.”

He laughed again and I couldn’t wait another moment. I wanted to lay my hand on him and then, sweet Jesus, I’d put my mouth on him.

In the dim light his gaze was bright, but when I touched his neck, when that first spark of finger to flesh shocked us both, he flinched with the power of it. His mouth trembled and he closed his eyes. I threaded my fingers through the silken strands of his hair and he leaned into me, so eager, so ready, as if he were desperate to be touched in kindness. He leaned into me and I knew that this bold, strong, delicious boy had been as bereft of human contact as me.

Promises be damned. I met him halfway and nipped his lip. A tiny hitch of breath escaped him. Our first contact, and I bit him. I was nothing if not smooth. I brushed my mouth gently, easing the sting of my teeth. I whispered, “Thank you for taking me here, Adam.”

My words were barely out before his mouth came hungrily, greedily to mine. The satin flesh of his lips, moist and flavored of gin, opened and I tongued him. I forged in and took his mouth, this first kiss deep like a perfect fuck. I filled him and he yielded into my arms with a willing moan. I cupped his bold jaw, tilting him into my embrace, topping himóand showed him the raw pleasure of one man’s mouth on another. Adam’s surrender took me from just hanging in there to goddamn you’re so lovely, lovely, let me have you.